Step 1: Fill out Application

You are Desperate Redneck Number 072862 Standard Redneck Application Form 343M A complete copy can be obtained from the Redneck Employment Agency Funniest Site on the Web This hyar applicashun will be incomplete an' rejecked unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job histo'y, lineage an' score from this Redneck EYETEST.. 1. Full Name Nickname DATE OF BIRTH 2. HEIGHT WEIGHT I.Q. G.P.A. 3. SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER DRIVER LICENSE # 4. BOYSCOUT RANK GOOD STANDING:  Yessuh  No 14. Do yo' haf one MALE an' one FEMALE parent? Yessuh  No Eff'n no, explain 7. Number of years parents married up wif? Parents occupashuns Whut in tarnation is th' bess time t'interview yer parents? 8.    Do yo' own a van?    A truck wif on over sized tires? :    Waterbed? :    Do yo' haf an earrin', nose :rin' o' belly button rin'?    Tattoo? : (Eff'n YES t'enny of th' above :in quesshun #8, Discontinue Applicashun an' Leave :Premises) 9. In 50 :wo'ds o' less, whut does LATE mean t' yo'? : : 10. In 50 wo'ds o' less, whut does DON'T :TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean t'yo'? : : 11. In 50 wo'ds o' less, :whut does ABSTINENCE mean t'yo'? : : 12. Church yo' :attend How offen does yo' attend Bess time :t'interview yer   priest/minister? 13. Do you NASCAR on the first date? Yes [ ] No [ ] : Fill in th' blank: Please answer freely, :all answers is confidential, ah reckon. : (Thet means ah will not tell ennyone, evah :...ah promise!). A. Eff'n ah were :shot, th' last place on mah hide ah 'd be :hankerin' t'be woun'ed is : B. Eff'n ah were bett up, th' :last bone ah's hankerin' busted is C. : A woomin's place is in th' D. Th' :one thin' ah hope this hyar applicashun does not :ax me is_ : E. Whut in tarnation does yer hankerin' :t'be IF yo' grow up? : F. When ah meet a gal, th' fust :thin' ah notice about her is G. Now answer th' :quesshun yo' filled in on letter "D" NOTE: Eff'n :yer answer t'letter "F" begins wif a T o' A, :discontinue. It is advised thet yo' leave premise :quickly, keepin' yer haid low an' runnin' in a :serpentine fashion, as enny fool kin plainly see. : ah SWEAR THAT ALL THE :INFORMATION PROVIDED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO :THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, :DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, :ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT :POKERS, AND/OR A HILARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE. : *General Information* Can you count past 20 without stripping? [] yes [] no [] never tried Favorite Weapon: [] Tire Iron [] Pick Handle [] Log Chain [] Shotgun Favorite Pastime: [] Drinkin' [] Coon Huntin' [] Fishin' [] Fuedin'[] Other Truck equipped with: [] Gun Rack [] Fuzzbuster [] 8-Track [] Rebel Flag [] Roll Bar [] C.B. Radio [] Beer Cans [] Squirrel Tail [] Bull Horns Cap Emblems: [] John Deere [] CAT [] SKOAL [] Budweiser [] Bud Dry [] Jack Daniels [] Teamsters local Merberships: [] NRA [] VFW [] KKK [] 700 Club [] B.P.O.E. [] Sine-aid Society Do you vote? [] Yes [] No [] What's that? Have you ever been in jail? [] Yes [] No [] Born there Your Signature (one X will do): _________________________Date:_____ Hi! Thank :yo' fo' Interest, please aller four t'six years :fo' processin'. Yo' will be corntacked in writin' :eff'n yer approved, cuss it all t' tarnation. :Please DO NOT call o' write ( on account :o' yo' probably kin't ennyway), howevah this hyar :c'd cuz yo' unspecked injury. Eff'n yer applicashun :is rejecked, yo' will be notified by two :juntlemen warin' white ties an' carryin' violin :cases. It is advisable t'watch yer back! Fry mah :hide! ah's not jokin' eifer!