What Not to do
at Job Interviews
Go To REA
We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've
all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to
do. Don't bite your nails. Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. Don't
belch. If we did any of the don'ts, we knew we'd disqualify ourselves
instantly. But some REA job applicants go light years beyond
this.
This is a survey from top personnel executives
of some major American corporations* They were asked for stories
of unusual behavior by REA job applicants.
Said he was so well-qualified [that] if he didn't get the
job, it would prove that the company's management was incompetent.
Stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.
Brought her large dog to the interview.
Chewed bubble gum and constantly blew bubbles.
Candidate kept giggling through serious interview.
She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the
music at the same time.
Balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office
a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece.
Applicant challenged interviewer to arm wrestle.
Asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel
executive was qualified to judge the candidate.
Announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger
and french fries in the interviewer's office.
Without saying a word, candidate stood up and walked out
during the middle of the interview.
Man wore jogging suit to interview for position as financial
vice president.
Said if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by
having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering
specific interview questions.
Wouldn't get out of the chair until I would hire him. I had
to call the police.
When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started
tap dancing around my office.
Had a little pinball game and challenged me to play with
him.
Bounced up and down on my carpet and told me I must be highly
thought of by the company because I was given such a thick carpet.
Took a brush out of my purse, brushed his hair and left.
Pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture
of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him.
Candidate asked me if I would put on a suit jacket to ensure
that the offer was formal.
Said he wasn't interested because the position paid too much.
While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant
took out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only,
stopping longest at the centerfold.
During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate's
briefcase. He took it out, shut it off, apologized, and said
he had to leave for another interview.
A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from
his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: 'Which
company? When do I start? What's the salary?' I said, 'I assume
you're not interested in conducting the interview any further.'
He promptly responded, 'I am as long as you'll pay me more.'
I didn't hire him, but later found out there was no other job
offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer.
An applicant came in wearing only one shoe. She explained
that the other shoe was stolen off her foot in the bus.
His attache [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents
spilled, revealing ladies' undergarments and assorted makeup
and perfume.
He came to the interview with a moped and left it in the
reception area. He didn't want it to get stolen, and stated that
he would require indoor parking for the moped.
He took off his right shoe and sock, removed a medicated
foot powder and dusted it on the foot and in the shoe. While
he was putting back the shoe and sock, he mentioned that he had
to use the powder four times a day and this was the time.
Candidate said he really didn't want to get a job, but the
unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one.
He whistled when the interviewer was talking.
Asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on
my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home
now and wanted my phone number. I called security.
She threw-up on my desk, and immediately started asking questions
about the job, like nothing had happened.
Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said
that if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving,
I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going
to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped
a switch and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a
new desk.
Asked if I wanted some cocaine before starting the interview.
| Jo Beth Stewart's Advice
for Rednecks
- Never take a beer to a job interview.
- Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
- It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
- If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
- Even if you are certain that you are included in the will, it is still rude to drive the U-Haul to the funeral home.
Dining Out:
- When decanting wine from the box, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
- If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with both hands.
In Your Home:
- A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
- Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.
Personal Hygiene:
- While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
- Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money.
- Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.
- Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
Dating (Outside the Family) Etiquette:
- Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
- Be assertive. Let her know you are interested. "I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
- Establish with her parents what time she is expected home. Some will say 10:00 p.m., and others may say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
Theater Etiquette:
- Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
- Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven that they can't hear you.
Wedding Etiquette:
- Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.
- Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
- For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
- Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
Driving Etiquette:
- Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
- When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.
- Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
- When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer, too.
- Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
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